Intelligent Life Detected!

Boop ………………. Boop………………. Boop………………. Boop………………. Boop………………. Boop … Bip…Bip…BIP-BIPBIP-BIP

Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. “What are you doing Carl*?” I ask in my best resigned/fed up teacher voice.

“It’s my intelligence detector Miss.”

“Riiiight”, I say, slowly enough to convey exactly how unconvinced I am by this amazing device. Ask a silly question…

Apparently an intelligence detector is much easier to construct than you might think. Simply support your right elbow with your left hand, point your right index finger forward and then allow your right arm to swing slowly around. If your intelligence detector points at something, er, intelligent, it will go BIP. (I’m not sure if a left-handed version is available, I’ll have to check that one out with the inventor.)

The most surprising thing about this device, is that despite it’s low-tech appearance it delivers accurate results. Carl’s sweep of his table revealed that:
Jake is very intelligent
BIP – BIP – BIP – BIP
and Tom is quite intelligent
BIP BIP BIP
but Best Friend Mark is clearly in need of some brain training
(he flatlined).

No one, not even Best Friend Mark, argued with those results.

So, I commend to you the incredible intelligence detector. Cheap and simple to use, students can be assessed and labelled in seconds, freeing up valuable teacher time for the really important jobs, like filling in forms, or ticking boxes, or setting spurious targets, or something like that …


*Names have been changed to protect the guilty parties (i.e. me).

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