No Lack of Resolution

It’s that time of year again, the date has rolled around to that neat 01/01 and apparently life changing measures are in order.

So what are my New Year’s resolutions? I don’t have any. In fact I haven’t made any for years. When people ask (and they often do – why is it everyone else’s business what your life plans are?) what my resolutions are, I normally tell them that I’m still sticking to my long standing New Year’s resolution not to make any. The slightly paradoxical nature of this is lost in the mild heresy of it. No resolutions? Tut, tut.

I’m all in favour of making changes in my life from time to time, I’m not opposed to the idea of making resolutions; it’s the timing that’s the problem: New Year has to be just about the worst time to act on any lifestyle changing decision.

The holidays are finishing, most people are returning to work with no prospect of any significant leave for months. Large numbers of bodies will still be recovering from festive binges. Many people will still be paying for their Christmas purchases; some will be concerned about their debts. The days are short, the weather is bleak. No wonder so many people get depressed at this time of year.

So, not the ideal time to give up smoking, join a gym or go on a diet. Not if you want to actually succeed.

However I am a lone voice in this, most other people seem to like making New Year’s resolutions, so I have a few suggestions for them:

Ginger Cat: Move around a bit. Or at least twitch a paw occasionally. Just so we know you’re OK.
Black Cat: Eat the tasty little morsels that I hide your medicine in. Go on. Purr-lease.
The Post Office: Stop delivering tons of crappy leaflets along with the post. We only put them straight into the recycling bin you know. Save the planet and our postman’s back.
News Editors: Cheer us all up by including a bit of light relief in your bulletins. “And finally… A wolf walks into a bar.” Or you could top your bulletin off with some real cheese. (I used to love “And finally…”, my favourite part of the news. Alas, no more. Where did it go?)
Oh, and any chance that we could get through 2008 without seeing that bloody video clip of Amy Winehouse singing “No, No, No” every time she goes to rehab? (Probably no chance at all, but I thought I’d ask.)
Amy Winehouse: Eat something. Every day. At least a cornflake.
Inhabitants of Midsomer: Keep away from Joyce Barnaby, for she is truly Britain’s most successful undiscovered mass murderer.
Everyone: Stop buying Woolite, for then the annoying man rattling on about Safe-Turd-Gent may be removed from the annoying advert and hence from our living rooms.

Happy New Year!