“Right,” said Mr TLC, “So the RSPB want us to count how many birds are in the garden.”


“That could be difficult,” he continued, “I mean, imagine it: 1, 2, 3, ooh look, here comes Black Cat. Oh, only 2 birds now…”

Actually I think Black Cat’s bird hunting days are behind him, but in any case a survey of the birds in our garden today would be of limited value. Number of birds sighted: zero. A fortnight ago there were dozens of them, you could have created a low budget Hitchcock re-make out there.

Of course, once I hung up the brand new, slightly overpriced, bird feeder earlier this week, we haven’t seen a single bird. Not anywhere. Tsk.

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