Wok This Way

Phoenix arrives in my classroom wearing a large wok. As you do. It starts off as an extremely large hat/helmet kind of thing before a swift bit of repositioning converts it into a breastplate.

I consider ignoring this, but being downright nosey I quickly give in to temptation and ask the obvious, but foolish, question, “Why have you brought a wok to school?” (Note that I do not ask him why he is wearing said item; I am not nearly reckless enough to engage in the bizarre conversation that would doubtless ensue.)

Phoenix mumbles something about stir fry and then shouts “Ha!” as he stands to attention, wearing his wok breastplate. I experience a short chain of thoughts that begins with the observation that Phoenix hasn’t actually answered my question and ends with me reminding myself that the words “Stir fry,” and “Ha!” are much less bewildering than the answers I normally get from him.

Then he says “This would stop a crossbow bolt you know. They did it on Brainiac.”

A crossbow bolt? Blimey, I didn’t realise that I worked in such a violent place. Must sort some armour out…