Letting go

Woke up this morning (no, this isn’t a blues song) and felt like myself for the first time in ages. I feel relaxed and calm and it’s made me realise just how wound up I’ve been in recent months.

I started 2020 feeling worried about my diagnosis and treatment. I was starting chemo-immunotherapy and having doubts. Will it work? Will there be side effects? Will I get ill? I knew that my prognosis was good, but I couldn’t quite banish my fears.

Then coronavirus and lockdown brought stress and fear for everyone. At first, I struggled with practicalities – being told to shield but unable to get a grocery delivery was worrying – but friends offered to help and gradually we got into a new way of living.

I am lucky. Although my work has been cancelled, I have savings we can live on, so I’m in a much better position than many people. Also, I’m not on my own, I have Mr TLC with me. I don’t know how I would have coped without him.

There have still been more than a few times in recent months when I’ve had to make an effort to calm down and put my anxious thoughts back in their box. Not good, but I still thought I was coping pretty well with life, lockdown and everything.

Then something magic happened.

First, we spent a wonderful weekend in the virtual company of the lovely #CampEd20 people. We talked, baked, made things, completed fun and silly activities. We laughed, drank gin and even had a special performance from Samantics.

Then I spent Monday in my garden, enjoying the sunshine and the virtual Folk on Foot Front Room Festival. I put the headphones on and spent a few hours in my own little bubble, floating along with the music. I loved it.

I didn’t realise how tense I felt until I let go and relaxed. Thank you to the wonderful friends and musicians who helped me to unwind and feel like myself again, that’s a precious gift and I truly appreciate it. Thank you to Mr TLC, whose patience and love has been unwavering.

Now to keep this going. I need to spend more time relaxing (virtually) with friends, listening to music and doing pointless but fun stuff. I won’t be learning an amazing new skill, discovering gravity or writing King Lear, but I will be living my best life, virtually. And that’s enough.

3 comments to Letting go

  • Z

    Company, whether in person or virtually, makes a huge difference. I’ve been finding my way through this, then reading newspaper articles that said the same as I’d worked out for myself. I’ve really bounced up in the last week and I’m so glad you have too.

  • Hope things are still going on well for you Lois. You have been in my thoughts often.

    • Lois Lindemann

      Thank you – and I’m so sorry it has taken me this long to spot your comment! Things are going really well for me. I finished my chemotherapy on schedule and now just have to go in for an immunotherapy injection every 8 weeks which is much easier to deal with. Just the small matter of trying to get fit again after illness, treatment and months of inactivity – but I’m working on it!

      I finally went back to work in November (working from home), so some sort of normailty is returning. I’m beginning to think about travelling again, but I think it may be a while before thats an option.